Archive for the ‘Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish’ Tag

Reading Digest – 6 November 2012   Leave a comment

“Oh no, an election?  That’s one of those deals where they close the bars, isn’t it?” – Barney Gumble
“Sorry, Barney.” – Moe

NBCLogo Ah, there isn’t anything quite like election morning, when there’s nothing left to say and powerful news apparatuses grind to a halt with banalities they could’ve written months ago:


After months of intense — and often negative — campaigning between President Barack Obama and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, voters headed to the polls across the country Tuesday to render their verdict.

CBSLogo Not that the Tiffany Network has anything better:

After final push, Election Day here

Obama, Romney prepare to watch returns roll in as voters head to polls; both sides project confidence

NYTimes Logo And this is just as vapid in print or on the screen:

State by State, Battle for the Presidency Goes to Voters

Clues to Tuesday’s outcome may come early, but the night could be long. Here, a guide to know who is up, who is down and if court challenges and recounts could be in the works.

Shorter Paywalled Lady: “may”, “could be”, and “if”.  Thanks, fellas. 

NPRlogo The tote bag crowd goes with yesterday’s news to try and gin up something worth talking about this AM:

On Election Eve, Obama And Romney Try Blazing A Path To 270

On the final day of the 2012 campaign, President Obama and Mitt Romney are making a last push in states that could be critical to victory. Obama was scheduled to campaign in three swing states, while Romney had events planned in four. The only overlap was in Ohio, considered the linchpin of the election.

So the incumbent and the challenger spent the last day of the campaign . . . campaigning?  Ugh.

FNLogo Ah, here we go:

Obama Goes Home

That’s some nice projection, right there, valiant Mittens “Battles On” whilst that dastardly Obama “Goes Home”.  Even on a newsless morning, FOX comes through.  They’re the best.

FoxNationLogo While the adults have to be at least a little sly about putting their Romney boosterism in the headline, at the kids table they just say what they know you want to hear:

Mitt Looks Good

The story reads like a particularly spoiled seven-year-old expectantly listing the pony, Playstation, XBox, rocket car, and jet pack he’s going to get for his birthday tomorrow:

If the Romney campaign’s internal numbers are correct – and nearly all independent pollsters have come up with a picture much more favourable for Obama – then the former Massachusetts governor will almost certainly be elected 45th U.S. President.

You can tell they really wanted that last part in there. 

DailyCallerLogo Carlson’s House of Wingnut Welfare has something to help you pass the time until the results start coming in:

Hurr, Homophones Are Sexy

That’s in addition to a story about college admissions run with a picture of cheerleaders and a story about hurricane relief efforts with an image of Victoria’s Secret models.  If the Omegas from Animal House ran a website, the Daily Caller is what it would look like. 

Reading Digest – 26 October 2012   Leave a comment

“Mary Bailey isn’t going to fire me if I don’t vote for her.  I’m for Monty Burns!” – Homer Simpson

CNNlogo Stay classy, CNN:

Is Stupid a Factor in CNN Headlines

The linked story isn’t nearly as bad as the headline, basically just a rundown of the New Hampshire doughboy’s idiotic remarks and immediate ‘clarification’.  But to put a leading question mark on that headline on the homepage like that will give who knows how many thousands or tens of thousands of people the wrong impression about what happened.  Not that CNN’s featured stories have ever been a bastion of dignity and important information:

Gangnam Perry NEWS

usatodaylogo What’s curious about this headline, is that it’s labeled “Travel” instead of “Business”:

Hilton in Vegas . . . Ewww. This isn’t as bad a finding cruise line deals for people, but it’s also hardly anything more than a nice free ad for Hilton:

The upscale, contemporary chain, known for giving guests chocolate chip cookies, will offer Hilton’s loyalty program members a spot on The Strip after a nearly 14-year absence. The Tropicana will be integrated into Hilton’s websites and toll-free reservations number.

USA Today: The Hilton loyalty program member’s national newspaper. 

WSJlogo1 Bravo:

Three Musketeers

Wittingly or not, that’s a great summation of respectable winger thought these days.  First, balance the budget but don’t touch military spending.  Second, George Washington wanted this to be a Judeo-Christian nation because history.  Third, employers intimidating their employees about their vote should be embraced because employers obviously know more about politics than any little peon who has to cash a paycheck to make ends meet.

DailyCallerLogo And what would a day be without Carlson’s House of Wingnut Welfare giving old guys a little spank material:

Attractive Clients

I think everyone’s getting what they want here:

For the third year in a row, the feminist firebrand says one of her clients could offer testimony that would incriminate Romney. It has something to do with Bain Capital and Staples or something. (Does it really matter?)

In light of this promising claim, here are nine of Allred’s fine, upstanding and attractive clients.

Give Tucker & Friends credit, they can find their way to “women in bikinis” from just about any topic you give them.  Lawsuit against one of Romney’s business partners?  Hot law clients, boom, slideshow.