Archive for the ‘Dukerella’ Tag

Reading Digest – 14 September 2012   Leave a comment

“Now, if you want to work here at the New York Post, you must know that we insert the following words into every headline: headless, nude, sewage, and governor.  For instance, ‘Subway Fares Raised’ becomes ‘Headless Governor Found Nude in Subway Sewage’.” – New York Post Editor
“What about the fares?” – Miranda Tompkins
“You’re fired.” – New York Post Editor

CNNlogo Among Today’s “Featured” news stories:

Magazine runs topless pics of Kate – Nobody on this side of the Atlantic cares about this except you dorks.  Please stop.

Sally Struthers arrested – This would’ve been news twenty to never years ago.

Lady Gaga: I want to smell like a slut – Rich Celebrity: Pay Attention to Me.

Bieber: I’m ‘not fully a man yet’ – See above.

Driver takes sidewalk to avoid school bus – Just because.

Serenaded by the Beach Boys – We’re appealing to the hip replacement demographic who are also the only people still left who think of us as a news organization.

FoxNationLogo This isn’t their usual line:

Biden Baby All Caps

And what’s with the caps lock?  Ah, this is more like it:

Slaughter Is Such a Strong Word

It takes a certain kind of nationalist media organization to voluntarily describe its biggest star with “Absolutely Slaughters” about one of America’s most famous Muslims.  FOX News: Killing Infidels (Figuratively, So It’s Okay)!  And finally:

Yeah, Baby, Work That Black Bar

The story notes that she immediately deleted it, but they not only reproduced it anyway, they also tastefully put a little black bar over the part they think is naughty because, you know, decency.

usatodaylogo News!:

Important Headlines

1) Who cares?
2) Who cares?  (And I’m pretty sure that’s not her name anymore.)
3) Not a Real Problem.

PoliticoLogo Winning the morning with:

Obama II: Team of Insiders – Nothing.

Granholm on ‘Dating Game’ in ’78 – Diddly squat.

GOP Fed up with Bernanke – Nada.  (Is there anything the Reds aren’t fed up with these days?)

Dems use Ryan’s mug in ads – And zilch. 

nytimeslogo1 I know you guys have to appeal the old rich people whom your advertisers are desperate to reach, but this is undignified for all involved:

Geezer Tricycles

That’s right, old people tricycles are now cool, according to the Paywalled Lady.  And on the front page, no less:

A version of this article appeared in print on September 14, 2012, on page A1 of the New York edition with the headline: Born to Be Wild, Aging Bikers Settle for Comfy.


Posted September 14, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Reading Digest, The Critic

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