Archive for the ‘The Simpsons’ Category

Movin’ on Up   Leave a comment

Abandoned

“Even if we sell the house, we still don’t come close to paying off the mortgage.” – Marge Simpson
“Hey.” – Homer and Marge Simpson 

The Ann Arbor Review of Books is moving to its new, permanent headquarters at a2review.net, starting this morning.  The new site is running WordPress.org instead of good old WordPress.com, which gives us a lot more functionality and flexibility, but does require a change of address.  If you are using an RSS feed to read this site, here is the new one:

http://a2review.net/?feed=rss

Please e-mail me if you have any trouble with the feed or the new site.  On the whole it should be a vast improvement, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be problems along the way.  And now, the obligatory dated cultural reference:

Posted November 26, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Site News, The Simpsons

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Reading Digest – 21 November 2012   Leave a comment

“It’s times like this I wish I were a religious man.” – Homer Simpson
“It’s all over, people!  We don’t have a prayer!” – Reverend Lovejoy

[Programming Note: The Ann Arbor Review of Books will be undergoing some changes over the long Thanksgiving weekend.  Posting will be light to non-existent until Monday.]

FNLogo A few weeks ago, I said that a lack of apocalyptic furor was the biggest single factor in Mitt Romney’s inability to make anything more than a superficial connection with his supporters.  This morning, FOX News adds some credence to my theory:

Doomsday! (Tonight on FOX)

It’s a five part series, and yes, they are as serious as decorum will allow:

While most of these are associated with the second coming of Christ, the focus is now on the Maya civilization of Southern Mexico and the end of their calendar on December 21, 2012 — the coming Winter Solstice. Over 3,000 books and countless websites claim that the Maya predicted the Earth will be destroyed on this date.

The scenarios are truly frightening: The Earth will be destroyed by colliding with an asteroid or being pulled into the black hole at the center of the Milky Way Galaxy. Others claim a galactic planetary alignment that will tear the Earth apart or the Earth’s magnetic poles will shift and our planet will turn upside down.

Adam Housley reports from Palenque, the so-called "jewel of the Maya Classic Period," to find out what the Maya believed. Lauren Green travels to the battlefield of Armageddon where the Book of Revelation describes the final battles of good vs. evil. Amy Kellogg is at the prehistoric megalith Stonehenge to see the sun rise and ask the druids if they are there to celebrate or countdown to Doomsday.

Mayans and Druids and tigers, oh my!  But wait, there’s more!:

Understanding the New Testament’s vision of the second coming of Christ is led by Fr. Mark Arey, whose recent translation of the Book of Revelation from Greek is now illustrated as a graphic novel. Archaeologist Eric Cline describes the doomsday battlefield of Armageddon. Evangelical preacher Marcus Lamb describes his belief that the end is truly near and he’s even put up a live Internet camera in Jerusalem to capture Jesus’ return.

It is a fact that the Maya calendar will end on December 21, 2012. But, don’t believe the hype: The world is not about to end. Debunking the doomsday scenarios are astronomer Anthony Aveni, physicist Michio Kaku, archaeologist Christopher Powell and author Graham Hancock. Plus, psychiatrist Dr. Keith Ablow tells why the idea of a doomsday is appealing to some people.

That final paragraph is easily the best part.  It’s the standard FOX News twist applied to the end of the world.  FOX will spend the bulk of its time and attention on the most dire and lurid speculations they can concoct, then every once and a while they’ll remind people of reality.  So we get statements like “pulled into the black hole”, “galactic planetary alignment that will tear the Earth apart”, “the doomsday battlefield of Armageddon”, and “Earth will be destroyed” (twice!).  Then at the end is the quick debunking, which is described as flatly and dryly as possible.  Balance!

FoxNationLogo If the world is going to end, the nationalists are going to watch it happen with their hands wrapped firmly around their dicks:

Armageddon1

The movie she’s in, by the way, doesn’t come out until next spring.  This story is strictly about the fact that she did a photo spread for Maxim.  And there’s:

Armageddon2Plus:

Armageddon3

That last one is especially pointless. 

DailyCallerLogo But not as pointless as this:

Skinny Cornucopia

Tucker, if you want to run a skin site, just run a damn skin site already.

ABC Logo In addition to their usual tabloid fare, which today includes “Celebrity Cold Remedies” under the heading “ABC Health” and “Russian Beauty Queen Slams Russian Corruption” (both of which naturally come with pictures), ABC’s also got some excellent synergy:

Objective Reporting

Tell me, fellow Disney employee, why is this spectacle of sight and sound so awesome and worthy of the attention of the ABC News audience?  That’s amazing, and tickets are still available, correct?  Thanks, see you at the office party. 

CBSLogo Tiffany is still very interested in what very rich wingers think about screwing poor people:

Honeywell to Medicare - Drop Dead

Still waiting for word from someone for whom Social Security benefits aren’t a rounding error on their annual income.  Gonna be a while, methinks.

Posted November 21, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Reading Digest, The Simpsons

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Reading Digest – 20 November 2012   Leave a comment

“D’oh!  Twenty million women in the world and I had to marry Jane Fonda.” – Homer Simpson

FoxNationLogo The nationalists hit all the buttons today.  They’ve got the War on Christmas:

It's the Great Lawsuit Charlie Brown

In which we find out that a parent in Arkansas objected to a school bus being used to haul kids to a church to see a play, which FOX Nation managed to conflated into unnamed, mysterious and powerful seeming “Critics”.  There’s also an unfounded assertion that rich people aren’t going to keep supporting all those gift receiving moochers who re-elected Obama:

Honey, Where's Out Atlas Shrugging Card

That one is based around a very noisy and one sourced survey that has nothing to do with taxes (FOX just speculates that a slight decrease in weekly self reported spending is about anticipated higher tax rates).  And, because the “Pic of the Day” with Heidi Klum in a tight dress isn’t enough, they’ve also got:

Bikini News

This is the entirety of the text after you click:

Maria Menounos proves she has one of the hottest bodies on television, showing off plenty of skin for December’s “Men’s Fitness.”

The 34-year-old “Extra” host wears a couple of tiny bikinis in the sexy front page shoot.

They’ve got cultural resentment, the looming liberal econo-pocalypse, and hot TV babes in bikinis, and I haven’t even mentioned the Michael Moore story, the one about failing solar companies, medical layoffs related to Obamacare, or even, just for old times sake, Jane Fonda.  They went full spectrum wingnut this morning. 

DailyCallerLogo Tucker & Friends have their usual assortment of nothing today, but this is amusing:

Prosecutor Porn

And what is this ex-porn star’s name?  Mark Suben.  He’s a middle aged fat guy with a mustache.  Shockingly, they decided to go with a close-up of unrelated tits instead.

ABC Logo Oh for fuck’s sake:

All Horseshit, All the Time

ABC News: shopping tips, celebrity gossip and stalking a child who happens to have famous parents all in just one morning.  Jebus, I know network news divisions are in terminal decline, but that is some National Enquirer shit right there. 

CBSLogo Tiffany goes for the more direct bankster fluffing:

Sachs, the Great and Powerful

Something tells me that watching that space for a similarly obsequious interview with, say, someone who doesn’t think “entitlements” must be cut would be a futile exercise. 

Posted November 20, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Reading Digest, The Simpsons

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Reading Digest – 19 November 2012   Leave a comment

“Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

CNNlogo Their lead stories today are Obama visiting Myanmar and another ineffectual call for a Gaza ceasefire from an outsider.  And what, pray tell, is the third most important story?:

Bieber Graces American Music Awards with His Presence

For the record, the American Music Awards are third or fourth tier awards show, depending on whether or not you think the Grammies (which they were specifically created to compete with) are actual awards.  No, this is not news.  The only thing important here is that they get to use Bieber’s name as click bait. 

FNLogo Happy day, the 2012 War on Christmas has begun with a “Clash”:

War on Christmas - Battle of Santa Monica

This particular battle is occurring in the People’s Republic of Santa Monica, but no word on whether or not that means the war on Christmas is going well or not. 

FoxNationLogo This isn’t an official, all hands on deck Bias Alert, but it’s still pretty funny:

Can't Hurt a Twinkie

If you click through you’ll find out that the “Snobs” were laughing on one of those awful comedy shows NPR runs on the weekend.  In other words, a show built around jokes made a joke. 

DailyCallerLogo I like to giggle at Carlson’s House of Wingnut Welfare when they do things like run slideshows of women eating ice cream and talk about how manly they are for smoking cigars, but it should also be known that they routinely fail at real journalism as well.  Case in point, this morning’s lead story:

Welfare Bait(ing)

I’m not sure what’s funnier, that they think it constitutes news that a publically available government website describes how to use government services, or that it’s labeled “DC Exclusives”.  I guess I have to go with the exclusive thing, because while that term has become all but meaningless in our times, Tucker & Friends have managed to take it to absurd new lows. 

usatodaylogo I suppose there’s a place for product reviews in a newspaper.  That place probably shouldn’t be in the “News” section:

Breaking Story - Great Deals on These Fine Products

Posted November 19, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Reading Digest, The Simpsons

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Lincoln: Now He Belongs To Our Age   Leave a comment

“This is Kent Brockman with a special bulletin.  The Lincoln squirrel has been assassinated.  We’ll stay with the story all night if we have to!” – Kent Brockman

Top Line: Lincoln is an overly serious ball of cheesy Americana that is mostly but not entirely redeemed by the excellent craftsmanship that went into it.  Trading on the enduring fascination and interest with old Honest Abe, Lincoln paints a hagiographic portrait that is perfectly suited to modern times and modern concerns but still goes down well with popcorn. 

Who (probably) should see this movie: School kids who want an easy day in class for the next twenty years. 

Who (probably) should not see this movie: Neo Confederates? 

Box Score:

Runtime: 2h:29m – Feels about right.  Could’ve been shorter, but there wasn’t a ton of unnecessary filler.

Actual Start Time: Showtime + 18 Minutes

Friday Morning Demographics: 30-40 people.  Big crowd. 

MPAA: Rated PG-13 for an intense scene of war violence, some images of carnage and brief strong language

The intense scene of war violence isn’t all that intense, the carnage is very limited, and the language is positively pedestrian. 

Should Be Rated: PG-8

Three Stars:

  1. Daniel Day-Lewis – The Titular Stove Pipe Hat Wearing, Machiavellian, Good Ole Boy President of These United States: 
    Does a fine job of creating a Lincoln who is consistent as a person across a huge number of emotions and situations.  No idea if the man was actually like that or not, but he is very believable as a man here, which is good because he’s central axis of the movie.  All other parts are very minor compared to his.
  2. Tommy Lee Jones – Affectionately Grumpy Abolitionist Congressman:
    Remember when Hollywood discovered that people love to see Tommy Lee Jones talk quickly and loudly?  He gets to do a lot of that here.  By far the most fun of any of the non-Lincoln cast members.
  3. David Strathairn – Lincoln’s Right Hand Man:
    The cool, competent sidekick every super President needs.
Worth Seeing In Theater (Baseline: 2):

  • +3 (This movie has all the makings of a commercial, critical and Oscar nominated success.  You will be hearing about it.)
  • -1 (There really isn’t anything terribly grand or spectacular such that a big screen is really necessary.)

Final Score: 4

Worth Seeing Eventually (Baseline: 5):

  • +1 (Going to be the definitive Lincoln portrayal for a while.)
  • -1 (Not forever, though.)
  • +1 (Entertaining enough that it doesn’t too often feel like a history lesson.)

Final Score: 6

Bechdel (Baseline: 5):

  • +1 (Gloria Reuben gets a couple of decent scenes.)
  • +1 (Sally Field gets the same.)
  • -2 (That’s all but it for female roles, though.)
  • -2 (And it’s a long movie.)

Final Score: 3

IMDb Sez:

Director:

  • Steven Spielberg:
    You know, he’s the one time king of Hollywood who has morphed into a rather run of the mill hack in the last fifteen years or so.

Writer:

  • Tony Kushner:
    Widely beloved playwright whose only previous screenplay was for Munich, which is also probably Spielberg’s best movie of the last decade.
  • Doris Kearns Goodwin:
    Wrote the Lincoln book Team of Rivals upon which this is at least kinda based.

Rotten Tomatoes Sez:

All Critics: 90% Top Critics: 95% Audience: 83%

Notes:

  • The audience has definitely got the better sense of things here.  The movie is much to fictionalized and preachy to be genuinely excellent.
  • Like so many tales of Lincoln before, the black cast members show up mostly to remind him of what good he can do and how good he is for doing it.
  • There’s plenty of political catnip for modern Republicans and Democrats, but overall the movie stays safely apolitical.
  • For a movie with a lot of fictionalized scenes and dialogue, it’s kind of annoying that they keep flashing subtitles at us to let us know who each character is, where we are, and what the date is. 
  • Lincoln was a storyteller, and the movie doesn’t miss a single opportunity to have him spin some homely, funny, and wise yarn about whatever happens to be going on.  For the most part, these are the best things in the film. 
  • The movie only really begins to drag near the end, when it ascends the pulpit to do things like have a reluctant Congressman shamefacedly admit that he’s prejudiced, have the newly passed amendment read out loud by a black woman who we’ve learned (completely off screen, of course) has had some hand in its passage, and for a true clunker of a scene where Sally Field basically looks right at the camera to advocate for the historical misunderstanding of Mary Todd Lincoln.  It’s difficult to tell whether the educational piety or the moralistic piety is hammier. 
  • Spielberg at least hasn’t lost his touch for inserting comedy here and there to keep things at least somewhat light.

Bottom Line: Lincoln is a mostly well written and consistently well acted period piece that is everything you’d expect from the Spielberg school of American history.  Along those lines, it is also more than a little preachy (sometimes very clumsily so), which is why the Rotten Tomatoes audience score seems much more appropriate than the rather more fawning critic scores. 

That said, Daniel Day-Lewis is as excellent as you’d expect.  The part is a bit too saintly to be as much fun as some of his other notable recent triumphs, but he has created a character who never seems out of place even as the movie follows him to such disparate locales as quiet moments with his wife and kids, an army hospital, General Grant’s headquarters, and many others.  That rather remarkable feat carries the movie in a lot of places even has those around him are acting out sometimes very cliched minor roles. 

You can see this most often in the way so many people, from all walks of life, sit rapturously and listen to his insightful parables.  Day-Lewis makes them a pleasure to take in, even as they begin to seem as repetitive as a public service announcement. 

None of which is to say that Lincoln is a bad movie.  It’s quite good, and the audience I was with laughed along with the jokes and paid strict attention during the serious parts.  But holy shit does it take itself seriously, and there’s no escaping the sense of patronizing infotainment that comes along with serious historical movies like this one. 

What Lincoln succeeds in unequivocally, however, is to bring the man into modern times by telling a story that has him brush up against enough contemporary formulations and political traps to make us pine for a leader so perfectly suited.  He is pure of heart, but crafty and cunning.  He is farsighted and noble, but bawdy and approachable.  He is, above all else, “Presidential” in the way that so many political pundits yearn for.  The Lincoln of Lincoln would’ve easily swept aside any presidential candidate of the last fifty years so exactly does he fit the mold of idealistic yet compromising, magical and effective.  It’s an engaging portrait, and one that’s entertaining to watch.  It’s just a bit spoiled by the way the movie thinks of itself as being as flawless as its titular hero.  

Movies Deemed Commercially and Demographically Similar Enough to Merit Trailers Before Lincoln:

Gangster Squad – Meh.  Looks a bit too dumb to be that self-serious.  We’ll see.

Les Miserables – Someday middle-brow culture will stop obsessing over the ever booming echoes of the French Revolution.  That day has not yet come.

Not Fade Away – A story about Baby Boomers rebelling against their parents.  I feel like I’ve seen this several dozen times before.

Parental Guidance – Another story about Baby Boomers rebelling, but this time against their kids. 

Promised Land – Get ready for a shit ton of terrible newspaper, blog and magazine articles about this.  At least the cast is solid.

Oz the Great and Powerful Trailer – A few more of these and I’ll have sat through the entire runtime of the movie before we get anywhere near March 2013. 

The Lone Ranger – Did they have to actually paint Johnny Depp’s face white?  This movie should be called Jack Sparrow’s Revenge

WARNING: The comments section is a spoiler friendly zone.  By reading this with your inner monologue, you have waved any right to bitch about spoilers in perpetuity throughout the universe.

Posted November 16, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Box Score Cinema, The Simpsons

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Reading Digest – 15 November 2012   Leave a comment

“So?  She’s good looking, shut up.” – Carl

FoxNationLogo The resentment is strong with this one:

Moocher BastardsIn addition to being dumb, the article also serves as a nice illustration of how FOX straddles the line that lets them badger their audience with bullshit while not quite outright lying.  So the headline states:

47 Million Food Stamp Recipients = 75.4 Percent of Obama’s Votes

And the first line backs that up without quite confirming it:

If all 47 million food stamp recipients voted for President Obama, it would account for 75.4 percent of Obama’s 62.3 million votes.

And then they reinforce their idea with numbers that are basically irrelevant but sound germane:

Welfare programs now cost taxpayers a record-high $750 billion. While government “charity” has grown, so has poverty—and so has the Democrats’ poll numbers.

The candidates and their PACs spent $6 billion for the election. Should we add the $750 billion in federal welfare to Democratic campaign spending total?

Finally, well buried in the middle of the article is a single sentence of plausible deniability:

Not everyone on food stamps votes or votes Democrat (and no one polls this subset of the population), and I don’t want to overstate the effects of the growth in welfare.

But that gets glossed over quickly and it’s right back to resentment:

It’s tough to beat politicians handing out free stuff, but we have to hope that careers and purposeful opportunity will appeal to American people’s ethos.

It’s a very finely honed schtick, strongly imply the blatantly false thing you want to say, but don’t quite say it.  Meanwhile, in nursing homes all across America, confused people will confidently say that 75% of Obama voters were on food stamps. 

DailyBeastLogo This is their headline:

Petraeus Fever Paralyzes Capital

Virtually every journalist in Washington, D.C. is feasting on the sex scandal surrounding Gen. David Petraeus. Howard Kurtz on the irresistible lure of tawdry affairs.

And this is just slightly to the right on the same page:

Reality Scandal

That’s the Newsweek Jr. two-step: outrage and sanctimony paired tightly with titillation and voyeurism.  Of course, they aren’t nearly as good at it as . . .

DailyCallerLogo Boom:

Related Coverage - Other Attractive People

But unrelated celebrity naval gazing is pretty standard these days, where’s that extra special reach into something genuinely disgusting I’ve come to expect from Carlson’s House of Wingnut Welfare?  Oh, there it is:

Too Hot Not To Publish

The thinking here seems to be that if she didn’t want to see herself in a conservative tabloid, she shouldn’t have been “hot”.  Eat a bag of dicks, Tucker & Friends.

usatodaylogo What this has to do with anything, I have no idea:

Dr. Phil 'Tech'

Turns out that execrable flimflam man has written a book about technology.  Because I get all my advice about electronics from senior citizens who don’t seem smart enough to dial a phone without written instructions.

Posted November 15, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Reading Digest, The Simpsons

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Reading Digest – 14 November 2012   Leave a comment

“Scary, no?  And this guy’s head of the Spaceology Department at the Correspondence College of Tampa!” – Bart Simpson

CNNlogo I have no response to this:

Anal Probes

Actual dialogue from the video:

“even this aviation expert is mystified”

“we first learned about these strange sightings when this metro-area man, who does not want to be identified, brought us his home video”

“but if you slow it down, frame by frame, it’s there”

“we wanted to verify that the video we saw was legit”

And there’s even the bog standard government denial, complete with scary font:

Government Coverup! 

FNLogo FOX generally, and the nationalists specifically, have been pretty subdued since they stood down from Bias Alert last week.  This is more like it:

Not Misleading At All

That’s White House spokesdork Jay Carney in the photo, but the cryptic quote is from a reporter asking about the increasingly spectacular end of David Petraeus.  Not that the combination of the two could be in any way misunderstood.  (Hey, at least they aren’t chasing aliens over Denver.)

DailyCallerLogo Without commenting on the linked story, I just think it’s funny that this rather, uh, aspirational map is the one Tucker & Friends went with:

Romney Wins Wisconsin and Pennsylvania!

You can almost hear the sighs of regret.

NPRlogo Derp-a-durr!:

How No One EverSteals a Car From the accompanying article:

At some carwashes, Kinkade dropped off the car with a copy of Maxim magazine inside it — the magazine contains plenty of suggestive pictures of semi-clad women. Underneath a seat, Kinkade also left crushed beer cans.

The idea, he said in an interview, was to suggest the driver of the car was somehow "deviant." Kinkade said he and his colleagues wanted to explore the possibility that when people’s behavior marks them as being somehow out of the mainstream, they are more likely to become victims of crime.

It will surprise you not a whit to learn that the idiot conducting this “Study” works at a private Jebus college. 

ABC Logo I’m so glad I started checking ABC News.  It’s almost a tabloid:

Potential Suitors to Increase Our Pageviews

Yup, it’s a pageview whoring slideshow of other famous people.  Nothing more, nothing less, and if you look closely, you can see the heavily tortured almost-corpse of journalism begging for death in the corner. 

Posted November 14, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Reading Digest, The Simpsons

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Reading Digest – 12 November 2012   Leave a comment

“You too, huh?  Hey, I know a good yogurt place.” – Jimmy Carter
“Get away from me, loser.” – Bush the Elder

WSJlogo1 Ha!:

Aww, Sad Fugees

The big story with the picture of the sad brokers is the lead, because that nasty government might be raising taxes and scaring away the Confidence Fairy.  The actual story, the one that doesn’t fit the Murdoch line of all taxes are bad all the time, is that stock futures have risen.  This is why you never let Rupert Murdoch buy your once respectable newspaper.

DailyBeastLogo This morning Newsweek Jr. is deeply concerned about aristocrats who fell short of power:

Mitt and Some Lady I supposed it’s nice to see Mittens reduced to speculative tabloid copy, but this is still pretty low, even by the waiting room floor standards of Newsweek Jr.

DailyCallerLogo More penile insecurity from Tucker & Friends:

Mmm, Dark Dong

If you’re wondering whether or not there’s a picture of a woman in a bikini in the article, please don’t.  Of course there is.

PoliticoLogo Swampgas Daily still thinks it’s the 1990s:

Newt's Essay on How He Spent His Summer Vacation

Little Newtie’s essay is entirely comprised of one sentence paragraphs.

Like this.

No, I don’t know why.

He probably doesn’t either.

And in addition to him, we’ve also got:

Politico Self Portrait

Is it possible for a crappy “newspaper” to take a self portrait?  Because that’s what this would be if there was any shred of honesty down at Villager HQ.

ABC Logo Hey Mickey, get fucked:

Durr, Twilight Is Popular Still

And as if that wasn’t newsless enough, right next to it we’ve got:

Cavalcade of Celebrity Mourners

This particular piece of celebrity chasing is notably worse than usual because they put it up on account of what used to be called Armistice Day (note the fashionably mournful hat), but it’s actually just 93 (!) pictures of that British princess doing stuff.  We won a war to not care about that, and you’re retreating on Veterans Day?  Fuck you, ABC.

Posted November 12, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Reading Digest, The Simpsons

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Reading Digest – 7 November 2012   Leave a comment

“Hey, Krusty, great set.” – Bart Simpson
“Are you kidding?  I stunk up the joint.” – Krusty the Klown
“No, no, I was talking to Lisa back there, we both agreed: you killed.” – Bart Simpson
“Really?  Lisa, huh?” – Krusty the Klown
“Sure, there were a lot of laughs.  You probably couldn’t hear them, the acoustics were so bad.” – Bart Simpson
“Yeah, the acoustics, that’s what it was.” – Krusty the Klown

CNNlogo The most trusted name in lackluster election coverage provides this important window into the anonymous hivemind of Facebook users:

Facebook Follies

The big news?  People were talking about Obama and Romney last night.  Thanks, CNN.

FNLogo At FOX, the blame is already being apportioned, and they’ve found a reliable culprit:

Obama Media Bias Did It!

And how, pray tell, did the “Media” account for the huge electoral margin and (as of right now) roughly 2.5 million popular vote difference:?  Well:

1. The Media’s Biased Gaffe Patrol Hammered Romney: The media unfairly jumped on  inconsequential mistakes — or even invented controversies — from Romney and hyped them in to multi-day media “earthquakes.” Case in point: the GOP candidate’s trip to Europe and Israel in late July. A Media Research Center analysis of all 21 ABC, CBS and NBC evening news stories about Romney’s trip found that virtually all of them (18, or 86%) emphasized “diplomatic blunders,” “gaffes” or “missteps.”

Yeah, it was the networks’ fault for covering a diplomatic fiasco that the British press deemed “Romneyshambles”.  But that one’s actually coherent compared to the next two:

2. Pounding Romney With Partisan Fact Checking:

And:

3. Those Biased Debate Moderators:

There are plenty of self-serving examples listed and many more counter-examples omitted, but it’s telling that FOX is pointing the finger at facts and debate moderators, as though it was all part of a grand design.  Read the rest if you want a morning jolt of winger butthurt with your coffee.

ABC Logo You would think on a day when there is a gargantuan surplus of real news a major network wouldn’t need to dip into the well of self-serving celebrity attention whores to fill space.  You would be wrong:

Self Regard Will Take You Far

It’s actually the first story below the electoral scoreboard, as if it matters in the least.

WSJlogo1 The more restrained vassals of Murdoch’s kingdom are taking things slightly better.  Slightly:

Review & Outlook: Hope Over Experience

That’s their lead editorial, which posits that electing the president who’s been doing the job for four years over the guy who was once a one term governor counts as picking “hope” over “experience”.  Huh. 

Posted November 7, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Reading Digest, The Simpsons

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Reading Digest – 6 November 2012   Leave a comment

“Oh no, an election?  That’s one of those deals where they close the bars, isn’t it?” – Barney Gumble
“Sorry, Barney.” – Moe

NBCLogo Ah, there isn’t anything quite like election morning, when there’s nothing left to say and powerful news apparatuses grind to a halt with banalities they could’ve written months ago:

ROMNEY OR OBAMA? VOTERS TO RENDER VERDICT

After months of intense — and often negative — campaigning between President Barack Obama and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, voters headed to the polls across the country Tuesday to render their verdict.

CBSLogo Not that the Tiffany Network has anything better:

After final push, Election Day here

Obama, Romney prepare to watch returns roll in as voters head to polls; both sides project confidence

NYTimes Logo And this is just as vapid in print or on the screen:

State by State, Battle for the Presidency Goes to Voters

Clues to Tuesday’s outcome may come early, but the night could be long. Here, a guide to know who is up, who is down and if court challenges and recounts could be in the works.

Shorter Paywalled Lady: “may”, “could be”, and “if”.  Thanks, fellas. 

NPRlogo The tote bag crowd goes with yesterday’s news to try and gin up something worth talking about this AM:

On Election Eve, Obama And Romney Try Blazing A Path To 270

On the final day of the 2012 campaign, President Obama and Mitt Romney are making a last push in states that could be critical to victory. Obama was scheduled to campaign in three swing states, while Romney had events planned in four. The only overlap was in Ohio, considered the linchpin of the election.

So the incumbent and the challenger spent the last day of the campaign . . . campaigning?  Ugh.

FNLogo Ah, here we go:

Obama Goes Home

That’s some nice projection, right there, valiant Mittens “Battles On” whilst that dastardly Obama “Goes Home”.  Even on a newsless morning, FOX comes through.  They’re the best.

FoxNationLogo While the adults have to be at least a little sly about putting their Romney boosterism in the headline, at the kids table they just say what they know you want to hear:

Mitt Looks Good

The story reads like a particularly spoiled seven-year-old expectantly listing the pony, Playstation, XBox, rocket car, and jet pack he’s going to get for his birthday tomorrow:

If the Romney campaign’s internal numbers are correct – and nearly all independent pollsters have come up with a picture much more favourable for Obama – then the former Massachusetts governor will almost certainly be elected 45th U.S. President.

You can tell they really wanted that last part in there. 

DailyCallerLogo Carlson’s House of Wingnut Welfare has something to help you pass the time until the results start coming in:

Hurr, Homophones Are Sexy

That’s in addition to a story about college admissions run with a picture of cheerleaders and a story about hurricane relief efforts with an image of Victoria’s Secret models.  If the Omegas from Animal House ran a website, the Daily Caller is what it would look like.