Archive for the ‘Futurama’ Category

Reading Digest – 16 November 2012   Leave a comment

“What do you do, Bender?” – Fry
“I’m a bender.  I bend girders, that’s all I’m programmed to do.” – Bender

DailyCallerLogo Most news outlets are focused on the latest Israeli-Palestinian game of “mine’s bigger than yours”, while FOX is running hard with the fake Benghazi scandal in anticipation of private citizen David Petraeus testifying before Congress today.  Tucker & Friends, to their almost credit, have bucked the trend in Benghazi coverage:

Taliban Solutions

It’s just a cheap paraphrase of an Agence France-Presse story that they saw on Huffington Post, but I gotta say, didn’t see that one coming.  Of course, they also have some Petraeus coverage that’s more their usual line:

Control Your Women Better Or We Shall Mock You

Let’s see: misrepresenting the known relationships in the case?  Check.  Insulting to women?  Check.  Unfathomably stupid in general?  Check plus.  But wait, that’s not the only real news they’ve boiled away to catty irrelevancies:

 

Hot Soliders Are the Best Soldiers

Tucker & Friends do love them some pointless bikini photos. 

ABC Logo Breaking: kids sometimes have famous parents:

Shame On You Bon Jovi

I’ll bet Peter Jennings is glad he’s dead.

WSJlogo1 Carlson’s House of Wingnut Welfare’s casual stupidity and ABC’s incessant celebrity chasing aren’t the morning’s only expressions institutional obsessions.  Surprising precisely no one, the Journal thinks we should lower taxes:

Stephen Moore: Why Lower Tax Rates Are Good for Everyone

This being the Journal, you have to at least make a stab at numerically proving your case.  This also being the Journal, you don’t have to be very clever about it:

It is also true that when Bill Clinton raised tax rates in the 1990s, the economy boomed and the share of taxes paid by the rich increased. But the otherwise depressive effect of higher tax rates was counteracted by the lighter burden of government on the private sector—federal spending declined to 18% of GDP in 2000 from 22% in 1993.

That’s some lazy ass bullshit, right there.  Federal spending declined only because the economy was exploding, it didn’t have anything to with a “lighter burden” or reduced overall expenditures.  The rest of the thing is just repeated examples of the same kind of simplistic, monocausal, heads taxes are bad, tails they’re even worse crap.  Read it for a giggle, the petulance alone is pretty funny.

Posted November 16, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Futurama, Reading Digest

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Wreck-It Ralph: Giving the Youth a Taste of Video Game History   3 comments

“I’m good at video games and bad at everything else.  That’s why I wish life were more like a video game.” – Fry
“Can you put that in the form of a question?” – Professor Farnsworth
“Uh . . . what if that thing I said?” – Fry

Top Line: Wreck-It Ralph is a clever, Toy Story infused kids movie.  It doesn’t make sense in places, and is much skimpier on real video game jokes and characters than the trailer would make you think, but its pace never flags and it’s got some amazingly clever and pretty animation to show off. 

Who (probably) should see this movie: Animation fans, video game connoisseurs, and kids.

Who (probably) should not see this movie: Anyone looking for an old fashioned two-track movie that has almost as much for the adults as for the little ones. 

Box Score:

Runtime: 1h:48m – Feels about right. 

Actual Start Time: Showtime + 15 Minutes

Friday Morning Demographics: ~15 people, a few young kids

MPAA: PG for some rude humor and mild action/violence

Not much to report.

Should Be Rated: PG-4

Three Stars:

  1. Alan Tudyk – Candyland Dictator: 
    Should get some kind of award for the awesomeness of his Ed Wynn-esque performance.  It’s like having the original Mad Hatter back on screen.  Bravo. 
  2. Sarah Silverman – Plucky Racer Girl:
    Does a good job of both sounding like an actual kid and not making it annoying.
  3. Jane Lynch – Badass Commando Leader:
    Gets to spew a ton of excellently cornpone sayings and phrases as she marches around kicking ass. 
Worth Seeing In Theater (Baseline: 2):

  • +1 (The big, bright and shiny graphics are worthy of being put up on a big screen.)
  • -1 (But there’s nothing truly spectacular here, and c’mon, it’s a video game.  Those have always been naturally at home on smaller screens.) 

Final Score: 2

Worth Seeing Eventually (Baseline: 5):

  • +1 (Lots of video game references will be catnip for pop culture junkies.)
  • -1 (While it’s a lot of fun, it isn’t the kind of movie that anyone’s going to be shocked and/or horrified if you haven’t seen it.) 

Final Score: 5

Bechdel (Baseline: 5):

  • +5 Passes Bechdel test, albeit with a Mean Girls type scene.

Final Score: 10

IMDb Sez:

Director:

  • Rich Moore:
    Practiced television animation director, including stints on Futurama, The Critic, and The Simpsons before the Fall.  This is his first time in the big chair for a movie, though.

Writer:

  • Jennifer Lee:
    Bupkis.  This is her only credit on IMDb.
  • Phil Johnston:
    Previously wrote Cedar Rapids (2011), but that’s pretty much it.

Rotten Tomatoes Sez:

All Critics: 84% Top Critics: 83% Audience: 90%

Notes:

  • There’s a very pretty but not terribly clever short called “Paperman” before the movie.  The animation deserves praise, and if Disney is thinking about turning this particular blend of computers and ink into a movie, I say do it. 
  • I mentioned this above, but Alan Tudyk channels all the goofy charm of Ed Wynn’s frantic comedy.  In case the name isn’t familiar, he was the voice of the Mad Hatter in 1951 Alice in Wonderland and was the crazy, tea-party-on-the-ceiling uncle in Mary Poppins.  Wikipedia tells me that Tudyk was born a few years after Wynn died, so we may finally have evidence for reincarnation here. 
  • Since it is a movie for kids above all else, it leaves some of the stranger, darker and more interesting possibilities of its video game inner space unexplored.  Far from being sunny and fun, the world it posits is just this side of a dystopia.  It’s chalk full of distressed homeless old characters, and lucky ones who are working don’t have anything to look forward to except an endlessly monotonous existence.  It isn’t hard to picture today’s eight-year-olds loving the movie now, but then sitting around talking movies as adults and saying something like, “You know, when you think about it, the world of Wreck-It Ralph is a pretty terrible place to live.” 
  • The Rihanna song feels more than a little out of place in the middle of the movie.
  • There aren’t any over the top “stuff flies at you for no reason” 3D moments.
  • I don’t know if it was a late addition or not on account of this week’s big “Mickey Bought Yoda” story, but at one point the movie does use the Darth Vader breathing noise. 
  • Jack McBrayer plays “Fix It Felix Jr.” pretty much in character as Kenneth from 30 Rock.  This is not a bad thing, but it is beginning to look like that’s the only thing he can do really well.
  • I’d say about 75% of the screen time that the real video game characters have in the movie is in the trailer. 
  • It’s nice to see some awareness of how programming and video games actually work.  In particular, the idea that games often ship with lots of leftover and half finished things than most users will never see.

Bottom Line: The trailer at the top of this page is a little misleading in that it makes the movie look like more of a two-track, for-adults-and-kids flick than it really is.  Wreck-It Ralph is much more of a straight ahead kids movie than films like Toy Story or ParaNorman, which have a lot of adult humor in them designed to sail right over the heads of the wee ones. 

After playing around with other video game characters and jumping into to a first person shooter, Ralph and the movie settle into a Candyland-meets-Mario-Kart racing game called “Sugar Rush” where most of the action takes place.  (Incidentally, if Disney wanted to spend some money and make a real Sugar Rush racing game, it looks like it’d be a lot of fun.)  Inside “Sugar Rush” the story checks off the usual kids movie moments and emotions: here’s where the unlikely friends bond, and here’s where they’re chased by the bad guy, etcetera.  Make no mistake, it is an exceptionally well done kids movie, with an exciting but simple story and lots of genuine silliness, but the balance of the comedy and ideas are to be found on the children’s side of the ledger. 

None of which is to say that Wreck-It Ralph will only be interesting to the pre-puberty set.  For one thing, the movie is animated and filmed wonderfully.  Each of the different video game worlds (and the power strip that connects them) get their own distinct look and feel, but when the movie peers back from the glass at the real world of the arcade (which it does so frequently), you know that things are still connected. 

On top of that, there are the superb supporting performances of Alan Tudyk, Sarah Silverman and Jane Lynch.  Tudyk gets by far the most interesting role in the movie and runs with it in every way he can, while both Silverman and Lynch nail their charmingly idiosyncratic characters.

All in all, Wreck-It Ralph is a fun and well done kids movie built around video games.  (Put like that, it’s a wonder no one had made it before now.)  It’s great for kids and adults who like animation, but it isn’t a mainstream crossover movie like the better offerings of Pixar and Dreamworks. 

Movies Deemed Commercially and Demographically Similar Enough to Merit Trailers Before Wreck-It Ralph:

The Hobbit – Semi-serious question, which is going to finish first, HBO’s ten or eleven seasons of Game of Thrones or Peter Jackson’s ever expanding Hobbit movies? 

Smurfs 2 – Don’t worry, this piece of shit will pass through theaters faster than fiber. 

Rise of the Guardians – You know, if the story is about a boy with special powers realizing how important he is, should he already have the magic powers at the beginning of the movie? 

The Croods – An animated movie about cavemen who leave the cave and go on an adventure.  These computer animated movies are all starting to look alike. 

Oz The Great And Powerful – Please, Disney, please stop showing me this trailer.  I’ll see the movie, I promise. 

Monsters, Inc. 3D – I like this movie, but there is no reason it needs to be converted into 3D and re-released in theaters. 

WARNING: The comments section is a spoiler friendly zone.  By reading this with your inner monologue, you have waved any right to bitch about spoilers in perpetuity throughout the universe.

Reading Digest – 25 October 2012   Leave a comment

“And so, when Captain Leela panicked, perhaps distracted by female troubles, my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day.” – Zapp Brannigan

CNNlogo Atlanta got a lot of well deserved flack yesterday for their breathtakingly idiotic story about the wimmin folk not being able to vote rationally because of the monthlies.  This isn’t as insulting, but may be just as stupid:

This Is SNN

The actual article is about a study conducted by, wait for it, Spotify, and contains doozies like this one:

"Dirty Dancing" was the top pick for both men and women, although the study’s author, music psychologist Daniel Mullensiefen, also pointed out that men are more willing to adjust their tastes in music in order to ensure "greater success in the bedroom."

Well played, gentlemen.

DailyCallerLogo CNN deserves every bit of scorn for that dipshit story yesterday, but this is the pot calling the kettle black:

Sexism Knows Its Own

That’s rich coming from a publication that still considers Hugh Hefner an icon of the women’s rights movement.  The story actually contains this:

Not My Boner!  Anything But That

Outside of how the election might “impact” your penis, today Tucker & Friends also has two slideshows:

Bikinis and Sexy Nurses

And this important story about a county board election in Illinois:

Running For MILF-in-Chief

To sum up, CNN’s just plain dumb, but Carlson’s House of Wingnut Welfare will run airbrushed bikini photos at the drop of a hat because politics.

DailyBeastLogo Tee-hee, Newsweek Jr. is pretending to have some dignity:

Peas in a Pod

Something tells me that the bankrupt has been will grace the digital pages of Newsweek Jr. just as soon as the editors realize that it’s hard to be a fluff publication without covering desperate attention whores.

Update [8:55am]:  I’m sorry, make that three slideshows for Tucker & Friends:

Bond 'Girl' Rankings

Posted October 25, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Futurama, Reading Digest

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Reading Digest – 23 October 2012   1 comment

“Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important.  One of these two men will become president of the world.” – Leela
“What do we care?  We live in the United States.” – Fry
“The United States is part of the world.” – Leela
“Wow, I have been gone a long time.” – Fry

CNNlogo Did CNN learn precisely five things from last night’s debate?  You know they did:

5 things we learned in Monday’s debate

At this point I think CNN would have a “5” in their headline if Martians landed on the White House lawn.  They’re so consistent with that number that you’d almost think it was some kind of marketing gimmick rather than an analysis that had actual thought put into it.  This, for example, isn’t exactly penetrating insight:

4. America’s role in the world

My favorite topic of the night: It is a question that allows a candidate to go big in his vision for the future.

Of course, each candidate took the opportunity to use it to talk in political terms, but not before offering these words of hope — Romney: "I absolutely believe that America has a responsibility and the privilege of helping defend freedom and promote the principles that make the world more peaceful." Obama: "America remains the one indispensable nation. And the world needs a strong America."

Enough said. It was a presidential question, appropriate for the final presidential debate.

CNN’s favorite question was the one that’s completely substance free and allows each man to strut around like a peacock without saying anything substantive?  Surprise, surprise, surprise. 

PoliticoLogo Swampgas Daily goes CNN two better and has seven:

Presidential debate 2012: 7 takeaways

It does seem like something of a padded list, however, since the first item is the superlatively bland:

Who won?

There was far from a consensus view on who won the debate in the hours after it ended. Two instant polls gave Obama a clean edge over Romney, but the pundit class was, to quote Obama, all over the map.

So, one of their “takeaways” is that somebody won, but that they’re not sure who and wouldn’t tell you even if they knew. 

FoxNationLogo The nationalists are struggling this morning, this is their big font lead:

Fox Nation’s HOT Twitter Box: Featuring the Smartest, Funniest, Most Shocking and Most Outrageous Presidential Debate Tweets

Worse, it has a picture of Donald Trump on it.  The wingers only go to Trump when all other options have been exhausted. 

Fortunately, their Pic of the Day is, no shit, lifted directly from the pages of Maxim:

Identical-twin beauties, former WWE Divas Brie and Nikki Bella, step out of the ring and into Maxim.

When all else fails, there are always pictures of twins in bikinis. 

DailyBeastLogo Newsweek Jr. covers the important stuff:

Fashion Debate

It takes an admirably warped sense of perspective to describe two women wearing clothing as a “fashion debate”.

WSJLogo Meanwhile, in non debate news, the Journal stumps for its own:

Low Rates Pummel Bank Profits

Superlow U.S. interest rates are squeezing bank profits, complicating the industry’s nascent recovery from the financial crisis.

This is the lead story in their “What’s News” box, that banks (banks!) aren’t recovering fast enough because of “Superlow” interest rates.  Nevermind that the banking industry got unprecedentedly favorable treatment after their own idiocy caused them all to implode, and that those low interest rates are being used to prop up the economy they wrecked in the process.  No, what’s important here is that bank profits are being squeezed.  This is less “Wall Street Journal” and more “Wall Street Dream Journal”. 

Posted October 23, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Futurama, Reading Digest

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Reading Digest – 18 October 2012   Leave a comment

“Gets movin!  Those newspapers won’ts deliver themselveses.  Only the Sunday edition can dos that.” – Daily Supernova Delivery Truck Guy

DailyBeastLogo Newsweek Jr. takes power of attorney and moves its parent into a home:

Digital Dumb Is Cheaper Than Print Dumb

Unfortunately, there’s still plenty of space for Newsweek style infotainment idiocy, as demonstrated by today’s Daily Beast headlines:

Sex, Hair and Sex

Today they’ve got a sexy prostitution case, funny hair styles, and an aging wrestler sex story.  Somehow, I’ve managed not to weep for the demise Newsweek’s printed reporting prowess. 

usatodaylogo But, hey, there’s still plenty of stupid in publications that are still printing on paper:

Fox Baby

And it’s not even good celebrity chasing, it’s weeks out of date. 

FNLogo Beware misleading subtitles:

Binders Again Note that it says “Ex-cabinet members and women’s groups” are supporting Romney.  The associated article, however, only mentions his former lieutenant governor and three cabinet members.  There isn’t a “women’s group” to be seen.  Shame on you, FOX, there are plenty of right wing women’s groups you could’ve contacted and you know it.  Don’t get lazy on us now, it’s only two and a half weeks until the end of the world.

WSJlogo1 Even by the low standards of the Journal’s op-ed page, this is sleazy:

Gramm and Solon: Can Government Benefits Turn an Election?

Yes, that’s Phil Gramm, former senator, deficit chicken-hawk, and general moron accusing Obama of buying the election with food-stamps:

How would voters have reacted in 1980 or 1992 if food-stamp benefits had grown by 65% instead of an average of less than 25% during the first four years of their administrations?

The article is wonderfully mealy-mouthed.  It has to both cover up the racist assumptions that underpin it and make sense of the fact that the 2010 election went against Obama even though he increased those nanny-state food stamp rolls to try and buy the votes of all those lazy you-know-whos.  I don’t think there’s a coherent thought or honest number in the entire thing.

Posted October 18, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Futurama, Reading Digest

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Reading Digest – 10 October 2012   Leave a comment

“Is she hot?” – Fry
“That not important.  She all knowing.” – Amazonian
“In other words, no.” – Fry

DailyCallerLogo Continuing its ongoing mission to give old men who can’t find their own porn something to click:

Hot Conservatives & Hot Babes (Daily Caller Exclusives!)

In addition to yesterday’s slideshow of “women hotter than Mila Kunis”, now we’ve got “Female GOP politicians are better looking than liberal politicians”.  Oh, and I found out why they’re down on Kunis:

Liberal Wench

Let’s examine this chain of events.  Esquire runs a cover story on a famous actress in which she says that she doesn’t like the current Republican Party’s less than enlightened attitude toward half the population:

“The way that Republicans attack women is so offensive to me,” Kunis said.

This so thoroughly wilts the boners at Tucker & Friends, that they run this at the bottom of their story on her:

If you care to take a gander at 10 women hotter than Mila Kunis, you may want to click here.

Which confirms pretty much every awful stereotype about how poorly the right treats and understands women.  That’s funny enough.  But their slideshow is a bunch of other famous actresses, and while I don’t know if all of them are filthy Blues like Kunis, they do link to Scarlett Johansson, prominent Obama supporter and speaker at this year’s DNC, and Angelina Jolie, who met privately with Obama earlier this year. 

In other words, they create a list of “hotter” women out of spite for another woman saying she didn’t like Republicans, but at least two of their choices are bigger Obama backers than the actress they were originally trying to denigrate.  Not only are they misogynists, they’re incompetent misogynists. 

CNNlogo Yesterday it was Carlson’s House of Wingnut Welfare that linked Lindsay Lohan to porn, today it’s CNN:

Lohan 'Porn'=Pageviews Galore! (CNN Edition)Tabloid cries for attention that are a day behind Tucker and Friends are certainly embarrassing, but CNN outdid itself with this one:

Hotel Promotion Story

The article is literally nothing but free publicity for a bunch of hotels and JetBlue:

The Loews Annapolis offers a late check-out to give campaigners and others the chance to sleep in. Also included: a walking tour of the United States Naval Academy or historic Annapolis, Maryland.

The entire story is just cutesy discounts like that and where you can go to get them. 

NPRlogo Here’s the tote bag brigade with a worthless headline for an equally worthless story:

Young People Talking I’m sure this was enlightening and not the least bit chewed over talking points:

We sat down with these students — Democrats, Republicans and a libertarian — around a table in a seminar classroom in CSU’s Political Science Department on a rainy September morning.

Balance!

DailyBeastLogo Newsweek Jr. takes an, um, unique approach to the Jerry Sandusky sentencing:

Pennsylvania Travel Guide

I’m sure the Pennsylvania tourism board just loves that.  

WSJlogo1 Jack Welch, formerly respectable ex-CEO of GE, takes to the pages of the Murdoch Times to complete his transformation into a whiney, wingnut shill:

Jack Welch: I Was Right About That Strange Jobs Report

Imagine a country where challenging the ruling authorities—questioning, say, a piece of data released by central headquarters—would result in mobs of administration sympathizers claiming you should feel "embarrassed" and labeling you a fool, or worse.

Soviet Russia perhaps? Communist China? Nope, that would be the United States right now, when a person (like me, for instance) suggests that a certain government datum (like the September unemployment rate of 7.8%) doesn’t make sense.

Uh, Jack?  In Soviet Russia and Communist China you don’t get “embarrassed” or labeled a fool, you get sent to prison or shot in the head.  This is America, and yes, when you, a famous person, say demonstrably stupid shit (on Twitter, no less, you fool!) you are going to be ridiculed, just not by government jackboots or whatever it is you worry about in that paranoid little mind of yours.  The rest of the op-ed is the usual conspiratorial smokescreen of “hey, just asking questions” and statistical innumeracy, though this is gussied up a bit because it’s at online.wsj.com and not prisonplanet.com or wnd.com. 

Posted October 10, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Futurama, Reading Digest

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Reading Digest – 28 September 2012   Leave a comment

“Bill, you are and always shall be, my friend, but I just signed a six month lease on my apartment.  I can’t walk away from a commitment like that.” – Leonard Nimoy

CNNlogo Important dating advice from CNN:

CNN Wants to See Other Cell Providers

The actual article is just as bad as you’d expect, some lowlights:

What followed, though, should be a warning to others — others who, like me, might have doubts about a relationship but are quick to run down the cell phone company aisle.

Thanks, Ladies Home Cell Phone Journal!  But I’m sorry, could we have some more terrible marriage metaphors? 

I could taste the relief on that welcomed day as I dialed customer service to ask for a separation, an annulled account.

Ah, there we go.  I like to picture the customer service rep, sitting in some cramped cubicle, wearing a judge’s robes with a little gavel shaped like a telephone.

And with that, about a year after I knew my relationship with this man was over, my cell phone company finally agreed.

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Sprint-us Sancti.  Amen.

FNLogo Oh, FOX, please don’t ever change:

BIAS ALERT: Liberal Magazine Takes Another Swipe at Romney

The liberal Mother Jones magazine took another crack at team Romney on Thursday, posting a video from nearly three decades ago that showed a young Mitt Romney describing an investment strategy to "harvest" companies at a profit.

Meanwhile, a click away at FOX Nation . . .

FoxNationLogo

Mittens In Love Tee hee. 

PoliticoLogo This will not, ahem, drive the day:

Generic Headline Works on Any Day

I think they may have a supply of these kinds of headlines sitting in a database somewhere and the computer just randomly puts one up each morning.  Tomorrow it’ll be “Candidates campaign in swing states” or “Romney and Obama both profess love of moms and apple pie”. 

Posted September 28, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Futurama, Reading Digest

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Reading Digest – 19 September 2012   Leave a comment

“Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter.  He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat.” – Morbo

CNNlogo Atlanta never can seem to figure out the difference between reporting the news and their own gossipy analysis:

How Bad Is This

And they proceed to fuck even that up:

Many GOP strategists in Washington see this as another self-inflicted political wound, and the Obama campaign and its Democratic allies are gleeful for the opportunity to suggest it is proof that Romney is disdainful of working-class Americans and insensitive to those, who because of economic hardship or other reasons, need government help.

First of all, what “GOP strategists”?  Did you actually talk to anyone who’d give you a quote (you know, “reporting”)?  Did you look at any poll numbers?  Did you even talk to a fucking voter?  Of you didn’t, you’re CNN. 

Now, to be clear, some grassroots conservatives are not unhappy, and are hoping Romney defends his remarks and pushes a debate on government assistance and dependency.

It was “many” GOP strategists, but it’s only “some” grassroots conservatives, though there’s no quote or actual information to back either up.  It’s just the general gab show consensus from yesterday written as blandly as possible with no links to sources or examples.  You lazy hacks.

FNLogo Now this is more like it:

Both Sides Do It

Pay attention, CNN, FOX is much better at this than you are:

A newly released audio recording purports to feature a young Barack Obama saying he believes in government "redistribution" — a comment that Mitt Romney quickly seized on to claim his opponent thinks "the government should take from some to give to the others."

The tape, posted on YouTube, was a throwback to the web video that emerged in 2008 showing Obama telling "Joe the Plumber" he wants to "spread the wealth around."

Those are the opening two paragraphs, there’s a link to the source of the story and context for what’s happening. 

Now, it’s FOX, so this story came down from up on high to try and do anything to distract from Romney’s disastrous fundraising video.  Something Obama may have said fourteen years ago to a bunch of college students when he wasn’t president is hardly the same as something Romney said four months ago to the people who are funding his campaign for the Oval Office.  There’s no equivalence whatsoever, but FOX did actually gather information and report it to its audience.  CNN just repeated stuff everyone else said and then sat down in its own shit.

FoxNationLogo Finally some decent pushback, but couldn’t you guys have found a better still frame of O’Reilly?:

Indigestion

He looks like he just swallowed something he regrets.

Posted September 19, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Futurama, Reading Digest

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Reading Digest – 18 September 2012   Leave a comment

“And I’ll go into people’s houses at night and wreck up the place!” – Nixon’s Head Recording
“My god, I really sound like that?  I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.” – Richard Nixon’s Head

DailyCallerLogo You never want to be too impressed with one day campaign stories, even ones that are deeply embarrassing.  But Mittens’ candid quotes about how he really feels about the help were at the top of BBC’s homepage last night, and today even Tucker’s House of Wingnut Welfare has it as their second story:

Can't Spin Zone

They aren’t even bothering to put a positive face on it.  That’s not a good sign.

FoxNationLogo The nationalists have it as their lead, and they aren’t helping any either:

Romney Calls for Release of Full ’47 Percent’ Video, Says Comments Weren’t ‘Elegantly Stated’

Romney defended to the tape, saying, “It doesn’t capture the question, so I don’t know precisely what was asked, but I think it was about my campaign and how I’d be able to get the majority of voters to support me.”

Well, folks, looks like we’re in for at least a couple of days of this, because if FOX Nation just quotes Romney and can’t figure out a way to spin the story on their own, it’s probably got a ways to go yet.  

usatodaylogo Hacktacular:

Obama critics assail Letterman gig

It quotes Michele Bachmann with criticism, then quotes a guy at U.S. News & World Reports to explain it away.  It’s not even slanted one way or another, it just completely didn’t need to exist. 

CNNlogo We discussed this yesterday:

Famous for Being Famous

Please to be firing all the leering, Anglophile idiots on your staff who think this is news.  Thank you in advance.

Posted September 18, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Futurama, Reading Digest

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Reading Digest – 5 September 2012   Leave a comment

“It’s Professor Hubert Farnsworth!  He’s looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks.  His wristwatch is a Casio.” – Joan Rivers’ Head

CNNlogo CNN.com, as always, is on the case of the least important news possible:

Very Important News

Today we’ve got a nice division between the pointless and the gossip.  On the bottom row there’s a flavor of the month reality TV sensation, a hazing video that’s been there for several days, and a baby disappearance that – while tragic – is hardly national news considering it happened three years ago.  On the top row we’ve got the usually demeaning coverage of a famous woman wherein we discuss her clothes rather than anything she said, another link to milk some more pageviews out of Clint Eastwood’s performance art project, and . . . wait a minute, what’s this?  It’s something decent!:

Why is Social Security buying bullets?

This is a shockingly non-stupid debunking of a right wing conspiracy theory.  Well, one out of six is better than zero.  C’mon CNN, do more of this.  It won’t hurt a bit, and you can still use question marks in the headlines and cheap stock photography. 

DailyCallerLogo The Murdoch outlets were pretty subdued this morning, not so the kiddie table:

Tucker Dresses Like Girls!

First of all, good for her.  Second of all, fuck you guys.  Third, fuck you again.  Fourth, watching wingers squirm over trans issues is just awesome all the times.  And fifth, well done, Tucker & Friends, that’s the kind of distracting stupidity I expect from knuckle dragging Red media the day after Michelle Obama speaks at the DNC.  Once again you’ve thrown a bigger tantrum than . . .

RedStateLogo . . . which goes with old school Communist iconography and this rather limp headline:

Commie Bastards

That word jumble is your headline?  Here, let me help you:

Godless Democrats Declare Government Owns You

It’s not my best work, and it’s not as good as “Gender Bending”, but it’s a hell of a lot better than that syllable pileup you’ve got.  Now finish your cereal and you can ride your tricycle for five minutes before school. 

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Op-Ed: The Truth About Obama and Israel:

By every measure, President Obama’s support for Israel’s security and well-being has been rock solid.

As usual with Op-Eds, the content is less important than the author’s biography.  In this case it’s children’s television mogul, famous Democrat, and notoriously deep pocketed Israel backer Haim Saban.  In other words, this would be like having Sheldon Adelson write the same thing about Romney: it’s a complete waste of space and looks more like a favor to a billionaire than anything else.  But, hey, Power Rangers was fun, wasn’t it?

Posted September 5, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Futurama, Reading Digest

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