Reading Digest – 24 October 2012   Leave a comment

“Rob Schneider was an animal, then he was a woman, and now Rob Schneider is: a stapler!  And he’s about to find out that being a stapler is harder than it looks.  Rob Schneider is, The Stapler, rated PG-13.” – Movie Announcer
“Weak.” – Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski

CNNlogo This is the entirety of CNN’s featured stories this morning:

Feature Presentations

That’s twelve stories, of which three are about cute animals and three more are about celebrity naval gazing.  Of the remaining six, one’s a free ad for Apple, one’s a video of the space jump that happened a week and a half ago, and two are odd human interest stories.  That leaves two stories, one about an Arby’s worker who got fired, which is kind of news, and one about the shot Pakistani school girl, which isn’t even a CNN story, but rather a link to Time.  Their “Election Center” is just as bad:

Election Presentation

There are eleven stories there:

  • Three are just worthless opinion pieces (the two marked opinion and whatever crap David Gergen is signing his name to these days)
  • One is about other people’s spoofs of the debates
  • Two more are about the style of the debates (body language and “best moments”)
  • Two are about campaign minutia (Romney’s son apologizing and Obama going to MTV)
  • And one is about Obama’s hair!

That’s nine stories, leaving just a quote from Romney “We can’t kill our way out” and another incident in the ongoing Red inability to understand consent (Candidate: Rape pregnancy God’s will) that could qualify as actual news.  None of these stories involve any original reporting or serious analysis of the race.  There are reasons viewers of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are better informed than cable news viewers.  Info-free collections of nothing like CNN’s homepage this morning are among them. 

FoxNationLogo The nationalists have given up on putting their own spin on things and just started quoting Romney:

Mix Metaphors Much

Of course, “Camp”s don’t take on water, but what’s a little metaphor mixing between friends, eh?  And besides, it’s not like Romney’s campaign is the only piece of anti-Obama news this morning:

Makin' Crappies

That’s right, Obama has lost the vote of Rob Schneider, one time supporting cast member on Saturday Night Live and occasional player in terrible comedies where he becomes a carrot or a stapler or something.  Romney victory is now assured. 

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