Commercial Break: Jergens Will Erase Your Elbows   1 comment

Broadcast: 15 October 2012
Program: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: Family Sized
Channel: The once respectable TLC
Conglomerate: Discovery Communications

Advertiser: Jergens
Owned By: Kao Corporation
Pitch: Smooth out impossible to smooth skin with our creamy crap.

In these heady days of cheap computer imagery, cosmetic and, ahem, “beauty” commercials often rely on a simple formula whereby they show you an image of someone’s hair, eyes, skin, or other body part with cartoonish flaw that is magically erased by whatever product happens to be on offer.  This ad for Jergens “Ultra Healing” is a good example that happens to flunk the photoshop and common sense tests worse than most.

As usual with cosmetic ads, we’ve got a model looking woman who is, nevertheless, so beset by physical imperfections that she can hardly live her life.  In this case:

She changed her dress three times, but all you notice is her beautiful, healthy skin. 

Look At My Terrible Skin . . . Oh, Right

Yeah, my skin is blemish free and perfect, but I feel like I’m missing something.

And why did she change her dress three times?  Because while she’s rail thin and looks like she’s never had a pimple in her life, Jergens wants you to think her elbows are uglier than Satan’s taint:

Jergens to the Unnecessary Rescue0

Help me, Jergen-wan Kenobi, you’re my (elbow’s) only hope.

In reality her elbow looks decidedly normal.  Joint skin is never perfectly smooth because it has to, you know, stretch and stuff.  But according to Jergens, if your elbow isn’t as smooth as a baby’s ass then you’re arms are so hideous that you probably shouldn’t go out in public.  Fortunately, crappy computer animation is coming to the rescue as the Jergens “Ultra Healing” bottle slides from screen left to screen right:

Jergens to the Unnecessary Rescue1

It’s as if millions of pores suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.

As the Jergens bottle completes its movement, we can see that the previously hideous elbow is now smooth (plus several shades lighter) and, presumably, presentable in decent society.  That it now resembles a cartoon more than an elbow is just a side effect that you’re presumably not supposed to notice.  The important thing is that the equally cartoonish blemish has been wiped clean so that our heroine can not only go out to dinner, but can descend stairs to get there:

Elbow Porn 

Yeah, baby, work that Ulnar Collateral Ligament.

The narration then finishes with a typical commercial perversion of the English language:

With beautiful skin from Jergens, you’ll always make an entrance.

First of all, neither my skin, your skin, nor her skin comes “from Jergens”.  Secondly, nobody looks at someone’s elbows when they “make an entrance”.  And third, erasing computer imagery that you created isn’t the least bit impressive.

Posted October 17, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Commercial Break

One response to “Commercial Break: Jergens Will Erase Your Elbows

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  1. “Get me twenty cases of Pert and Popular!”
    “What shall I do with your Jergens, sir?”
    “Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.”

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