Reading Digest – 16 October 2012   Leave a comment

“People of South Park, do you declare shenanigans on the carnival people?” – Officer Barbrady  
“Yeah!” – People of South Park
“Okay, carnival people, do you accept this decree of shenanigan?” – Officer Barbrady
“What the hell are you talking about?  This whole town is screwy.” – Line Ride Photo Woman
“Well, that settles it, everybody grab a broom, it’s shenanigans!” – Officer Barbrady

PoliticoLogo You knew this was coming:

Presidential Debate: Five things to watch

As usual, the five are mind foggingly stupid, and many of them aren’t even “things to watch”.  Certainly items like “4. For Romney, be the change agent” and “5. For Obama, don’t overcompensate” sound more like unsolicited advice than a viewer guide.  I do enjoy the passive aggressive need to justify all this nonsense that underlies the opening sentence:

It will live up to the hype when President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney meet for the second presidential debate in a town hall format tonight at Hofstra University on Long Island, N.Y.

There’s nothing like a confident assertion that something will “live up to the hype” coming from the Swampgas Daily, which is responsible for quite a bit of said hype in the first place.  It’s like a carnival barker who’s worried that you’re going to chicken out and not pay the five cents to see the pageant of the transmundane. 

CNNlogo Atlanta thinks it’s national news that people were paying for sex in Maine:

Slatternly Maineiacs

This is their lead, national story, a prostitution bust that doesn’t involve anyone in public office, or even anyone famous.  Fuck you, CNN.

FNLogo FOX has always placed a premium on numerical illiteracy, and this morning they have a doozy:

I Want a Robot Squirrel

First of all, 325 grand for a robotic squirrel seems like a bargain.  Secondly, it’s not until the very end that the article acknowledges that this is a tiny amount of money, though that’s after this choice nugget:

The report spotlights widespread abuse of the food stamp system – including an exotic dancer who earned more than $85,000 a year in tips, but also collected nearly $1,000 a month in food stamps while spending $9,000 during that time period on "cosmetic enhancements."

What the hell is wrong with FOX’s editors that they have the government subsidizing a “food stamp” stripper to the tune of $85,000 and didn’t put it in the headline.  For shame.  CNN would’ve pounced on that shit. 

FoxNationLogo This is, near as I can tell, not a joke:

Coin Toss-mentum

The link, I hesitate to call it an article, details four coin tosses, of which Romney’s people won three.  This is what the nationalists have been reduced to in their never ending quest to show Obama failing and Romney succeeding: coin tosses.  The report on Romney having better weather at his events is probably coming tomorrow.

Posted October 16, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Reading Digest, South Park

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