Reading Digest – 5 October 2012   Leave a comment

“It’s the kindergarten teacher, Miss Stevenson.” – Kyle Broflovski
“The blonde?” – Detective
“Yeah.” – Kyle Broflovski
“Some young boy’s having sex with Miss Stevenson?” – Cop
“Yes.” – Kyle Broflovski
“Nice.” – Cop
“Nice.” – Detective

FoxNationLogo This morning on FOX Nation, everyone gets laid.  First, there’s inappropriate school sex:

The Important Thing Is She's Blonde and Has Tits

This is as purely a FOX headline as you can get.  There’s a question mark, they called the woman in question a “Buxom Blonde” (which is roughly the same way YouPorn gets people to click on things), and they called it, for no reason whatsoever, a “Sex Romp”.  But wait, there’s more:

The Librarian Is Interested in Your Stacks

This one has just as much tabloid appeal, and gets bonus points for sticking it to those perverted East Coast elites.  Can’t send your daughters to Harvard, Princeton or Yale now, they’ll make porn in the libraries, gobble free contraception, and vote Democratic.  But it’s not all porn and forbidden love, it’s also attributing all good things in the world to Mitt Romney:

He Also Raised Bowling Averages and Lowered Mini-Golf Scores

The actual story is even funnier, because it boils down to a quote from some guy in The Wall Street Journal.  That’s good market analysis!

usatodaylogo McPaper has a different teacher-student sex story, but they’ll never get any pageviews with this bland garbage:

Teachers accused of ‘hooking up’ with students

Take a page from the FOX playbook and sex that shit up.

DailyCallerLogo Apparently, from inside the wingnut welfare bubble, all Obama voters look the same:

Young Ingrates No offense to the women in that photo, but none of them look to be in their early 20s.  I guess Tucker & Friends are as incapable of seeing age as they are of seeing race.  Coming on Monday, Romney will connect with young Latino voters while they run a picture of Cesar Romero and John Travolta.  In other important news:

News Flash - Women Have Breasts

I get the tabloid desire to snap and/or publish pictures of the pretty and famous.  But there is a really odd line of thought behind copy like “this is what Robert Pattinson sees”, it’s as though they think they’ve gleaned some deep insight into other people’s personal lives with the shocking information that adults sometimes get naked together.  I understand the sales angle there, but it still feels like two ten-year-olds giggling over the unfathomably awesome nastiness of something as routine and harmless as second base. 

Posted October 5, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Reading Digest, South Park

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