“Now, if you want to work here at the New York Post, you must know that we insert the following words into every headline: headless, nude, sewage, and governor. For instance, ‘Subway Fares Raised’ becomes ‘Headless Governor Found Nude in Subway Sewage’.” – New York Post Editor
“What about the fares?” – Miranda Tompkins
“You’re fired.” – New York Post Editor
Among Today’s “Featured” news stories:
Magazine runs topless pics of Kate – Nobody on this side of the Atlantic cares about this except you dorks. Please stop.
Sally Struthers arrested – This would’ve been news twenty to never years ago.
Lady Gaga: I want to smell like a slut – Rich Celebrity: Pay Attention to Me.
Bieber: I’m ‘not fully a man yet’ – See above.
Driver takes sidewalk to avoid school bus – Just because.
Serenaded by the Beach Boys – We’re appealing to the hip replacement demographic who are also the only people still left who think of us as a news organization.
This isn’t their usual line:
And what’s with the caps lock? Ah, this is more like it:
It takes a certain kind of nationalist media organization to voluntarily describe its biggest star with “Absolutely Slaughters” about one of America’s most famous Muslims. FOX News: Killing Infidels (Figuratively, So It’s Okay)! And finally:
The story notes that she immediately deleted it, but they not only reproduced it anyway, they also tastefully put a little black bar over the part they think is naughty because, you know, decency.
News!:
1) Who cares?
2) Who cares? (And I’m pretty sure that’s not her name anymore.)
3) Not a Real Problem.
Winning the morning with:
Obama II: Team of Insiders – Nothing.
Granholm on ‘Dating Game’ in ’78 – Diddly squat.
GOP Fed up with Bernanke – Nada. (Is there anything the Reds aren’t fed up with these days?)
Dems use Ryan’s mug in ads – And zilch.
I know you guys have to appeal the old rich people whom your advertisers are desperate to reach, but this is undignified for all involved:
That’s right, old people tricycles are now cool, according to the Paywalled Lady. And on the front page, no less:
A version of this article appeared in print on September 14, 2012, on page A1 of the New York edition with the headline: Born to Be Wild, Aging Bikers Settle for Comfy.
Sheesh.
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