Commercial Break: Say “Real”, Show Fake   Leave a comment

Broadcast: 11 September 2012
Program: Katie (which seems like it should have at least two exclamation points, but doesn’t)
Channel: ABC
Conglomerate: Disney

Advertiser: Nature Valley
Owned By: General Mills
Product: Granola Bars

From a pure, bullshit-per-second standpoint, this otherwise unremarkable fifteen-second spot really shines:

The best things in life are the real things.  Nature Valley trail mix bars, made with real ingredients you can see, like whole roasted nuts, chewy granola, and real fruit. 

That’s just thirty words, and is all of the narration except the tagline at the end.  The word “real” occurs three times, which makes it an even 10% of the copy.  While the narrator is telling us how real these bars are, we see an attractive, middle aged couple walking toward the camera.  As they come closer, the obviously fake background changes nine separate times.

This is the first one:

Fake Brooklyn Bridge

Their shadows are fake as hell, but at least they’re at the right angle.

Just one second later:

Fake Mountains

So much for the fake shadow at least matching the background.

Less than a second later:

Fake Beach

Now we’re getting into really hacktacular photoshop work, with no shadow at all and no footprints in the sand either.  This doesn’t even kind of look real.

Even less of a second later:

Fake Lighthouse

Shadow’s back, but they’re so close to the camera now that the focus is all fucked up.

Tinier fraction of a second later:

Fake Waterfall

Um, did they start walking behind that railing?  Also, they appear to be bone dry in a place that’s sopping wet.

Minute fraction of a second later:

Fake Hills

Now they’re just posing in front of old Windows wallpaper templates.

An even more miniscule fraction of a second later:

Fake Forest

You can’t tell here, but this one isn’t even stock video, it’s just a stock picture.  They’re they only part that has any movement.

Just a few frames after that:

Fake Winter

Even if this didn’t look as obviously photoshopped as anything ever, are we really supposed to believe they’re outside in the winter with no hats, no gloves, and perfectly normal skin color?  Dickbag on the left there isn’t even wearing a coat.  Green screen room must’ve been too warm for it.

And finally:

Fake Mount Rushmore

That isn’t even close to where people stand in front of Mount Rushmore. 

Add it all together and they put our fake couple in front of nine (9) increasingly fake backdrops.  That’s three “fake”s for every “real” in the narration, and while that doesn’t have anything to do with granola bars or whatever, it is thorough bullshit brought to you by General Mills. 

[Note: Posted a few hours late for reasons that aren’t worth explaining.]

Posted September 12, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Commercial Break

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