Commercial Break: Buy More Computer Animated Gold   Leave a comment

Broadcast: 10 September 2012
Program: America’s Newsroom
Channel: FOX News
Conglomerate: News Corporation

Advertiser: Merit Financial
Owned By: God Only Knows
Product: Gold, Gold, Gold!

It looks like gold commercials with public access television production values aren’t limited to the low ranked FOX business channel, they’re also broadcast on the mothership:

Imaginary Vault Is Imaginary

Our vault door has been drawn with over 30 virtual locks and weighs an estimated 7,000,000 pixel tons.

The guy with the suspiciously yellow tie then goes on to promise that when you buy gold from Merit Financial, you’ll be buying from the best, and certainly not people who are scamming the paranoid and gullible:

Imaginary Safety Deposit Boxes Are Also Imaginary

Does it look like I’m standing much closer to a much smaller vault than a second ago?  Nevermind that.

That “1% over dealer cost” graphic is something they emphasize several times in the ad.  Sidestepping the fact that “dealer cost” is a fairly loose term, the ad still has to put in this disclaimer as the camera pans lasciviously over a fortune in gold coins that aren’t the least bit real:

Fake Gold, Real Small Print

It reads:

1% over dealer cost is an approximation based on expected wholesale cost of coins.  It is not a guarantee on any specific product at any specific time and only applies to bullion products.

That is a fantastic piece of weasel-speak: “not a guarantee on any specific product at any specific time”.  In other words, the entire sales pitch is crap, though since they’re advertising gold, that goes pretty much without saying.  FOX News: fair and balanced and not a guarantee. 

Posted September 10, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Commercial Break

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