Reading Digest – 5 September 2012   Leave a comment

“It’s Professor Hubert Farnsworth!  He’s looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks.  His wristwatch is a Casio.” – Joan Rivers’ Head

CNNlogo CNN.com, as always, is on the case of the least important news possible:

Very Important News

Today we’ve got a nice division between the pointless and the gossip.  On the bottom row there’s a flavor of the month reality TV sensation, a hazing video that’s been there for several days, and a baby disappearance that – while tragic – is hardly national news considering it happened three years ago.  On the top row we’ve got the usually demeaning coverage of a famous woman wherein we discuss her clothes rather than anything she said, another link to milk some more pageviews out of Clint Eastwood’s performance art project, and . . . wait a minute, what’s this?  It’s something decent!:

Why is Social Security buying bullets?

This is a shockingly non-stupid debunking of a right wing conspiracy theory.  Well, one out of six is better than zero.  C’mon CNN, do more of this.  It won’t hurt a bit, and you can still use question marks in the headlines and cheap stock photography. 

DailyCallerLogo The Murdoch outlets were pretty subdued this morning, not so the kiddie table:

Tucker Dresses Like Girls!

First of all, good for her.  Second of all, fuck you guys.  Third, fuck you again.  Fourth, watching wingers squirm over trans issues is just awesome all the times.  And fifth, well done, Tucker & Friends, that’s the kind of distracting stupidity I expect from knuckle dragging Red media the day after Michelle Obama speaks at the DNC.  Once again you’ve thrown a bigger tantrum than . . .

RedStateLogo . . . which goes with old school Communist iconography and this rather limp headline:

Commie Bastards

That word jumble is your headline?  Here, let me help you:

Godless Democrats Declare Government Owns You

It’s not my best work, and it’s not as good as “Gender Bending”, but it’s a hell of a lot better than that syllable pileup you’ve got.  Now finish your cereal and you can ride your tricycle for five minutes before school. 

nytimeslogo1

Op-Ed: The Truth About Obama and Israel:

By every measure, President Obama’s support for Israel’s security and well-being has been rock solid.

As usual with Op-Eds, the content is less important than the author’s biography.  In this case it’s children’s television mogul, famous Democrat, and notoriously deep pocketed Israel backer Haim Saban.  In other words, this would be like having Sheldon Adelson write the same thing about Romney: it’s a complete waste of space and looks more like a favor to a billionaire than anything else.  But, hey, Power Rangers was fun, wasn’t it?

Posted September 5, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in Futurama, Reading Digest

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