Reading Digest – 3 September 2012   Leave a comment

“We’ve just been handed a bulletin from our rockin’ rumor department.” – Bill
“That’s right, Michael Jackson, the thriller himself, is moonwalking his way right here to our very own Springfield.” – Marty
“And while we go check it out, why don’t you enjoy a seldom heard, extra long version of In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.” – Bill

CNNlogo Okay, fine, it’s Labor Day, but is this really your lead story?:

E-mails: Jackson ‘a mess’ before death

A guy who died of an insane drug regimen, one he’d been on for a long time, wasn’t in top shape before he died?  I am fucking shocked.  What’s tomorrow’s lead, that the Soviet Union didn’t work very well?  That the Iraq War wasn’t well thought through?  New Coke?  

USATodaylogo It says something that what may be the most widely read newspaper in the country has this as their lead on Labor Day:

Stocks face a September full of promise and peril

Not only is it completely vapid and information free – in plain English it translates to the utter non-news that “Stocks Could Go Up or Down” – but it also presumes that stock prices are more important than things like wages and prices, you know, stuff that is far more meaningful to the overwhelming majority of Americans.  Well done, McPaper.

FNLogo Oh, FOX, please don’t ever change:

Romney Camp Fights Claim Speech Ignored Wars

This is just a fantastic headline, it’s got Romney fighting (a good, strong, manly thing to do) against a “Claim” that, even though it is irrefutably true, is presented as open to interpretation.  Let it never be said that they don’t have their priorities straight:

Valuable AmericansThis is a story about two people being killed and nineteen others being wounded, and the headline is about 9.5% of those people who didn’t die.  It’s inhumane, but smart marketing. 

FoxNationLogo The nationalists are in such a tizzy over an Obama sand sculpture in Charlotte that they have three pictures of it on their main page.  Naturally, this is the most prominent:

Ominous Indeed

I’ll grant that the sand sculpture is creepy and stupid, but it hasn’t exactly been washed away in that photo, and it getting rained on is hardly “an ominous beginning”.  You could call it an “unfortunate” beginning, an “inauspicious” beginning, or even some kind of metaphor for the entire Obama presidency.  But it isn’t “ominous”, unless, of course, you’re superstitious enough to think that rain is a sign of supernatural disfavor . . . oh, now I get it.

Pig Maher

Wingers, I know you like to call Bill Maher “Pig Maher”, and there are plenty of reasons to dislike the guy, not the least of which are that he’s a pious, self righteous asshole who isn’t nearly as smart or funny as he thinks he is, but you’ve got to do better than “Pig”.

Posted September 3, 2012 by Charlie Sweatpants in The Simpsons

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